#NOTINTERESTED: TAKE NO FOR AN ANSWER
Note: This is not about sexual consent because my blood is already beginning to boil just thinking about it. And that's just too heavy for ya girl right now. BUT IT WILL HAPPEN.
NO MEANS NO.
We often push our friends and family, encourage them, say things like "don't take no for an answer!" It's drives us to keep going, push through, and achieve whatever it is we're after. Your friend's about to ask her boss for a raise. "Don't take no for an answer!" we tell her. Your homie tries out for idk some fucking sports team and doesn't make it. "Practice and try again! And next time don't take no for an answer!" A little self-competition motivates us to get what we want or deserve. Whatever. I get it.
Well, BOYS, when it comes to women - it's not a fucking competition. And today, I'm going to talk about all of the things men and women do when "no" is disregarded.
THE BOYFRIEND
Women lie to you and say they have a boyfriend. It's the most effective way to get you to understand they don't care about you. Y'all gotta stop with that .Women should not have to do this just because your dumb ass can't fathom that they're not feeling you. Yeah, it's a quick, easy lie we use to get you off our backs, but it's also a constant reminder that you, men, do not care about or respect our feelings or interests. You are implying that the only reason we don't want to talk to you is because we're taken.
THE GIRLFRIEND
Similarly, women lie to you and pretend the girl they're with is actually their girlfriend. Much to our disgust, a lot of men are actually aroused by this and it intrigues them even more. "Can I watch?" This hurts the straight girl because even her desperate attempt to explain that she's not into men at all is discredited. This also hurts the actual queer girl because now you're sexualizing her and her entire identity. You're not respecting the fact that she might straight up dislike men (you). Whether you intend to or not, you're implying that queer women are for your own sexual pleasure and you are completely invalidating who they are - people. People whose preferences are based off more than just sex. Try it out.
THE CHALLENGE
There are also lots of women who skip the bullshit - bless their hearts - and tell you straight up they're #notinterested. This is brave. It's brave, because men are not going to hear that even for a second. That "don't take no for an answer" attitude sets in. The competitiveness, the challenge, the pride, the whatever the fuck the universe put in your minds just will not let you hear that shit, bro. We've all probably played hard to get. We keep our cool to try to not come off thirsty. But there are clear verbal and physical signs when a woman is not interested in you. You can tell when she's uncomfortable if you pay attention. For starters, "No, thank you" or them backing away is a pretty good indication. And sure, sometimes the persistent guy becomes charming. But please understand that there is a difference between being persistent and straight up not giving a fuck that we're not feeling you. Take a hint. Usually the hint is "no."
THE RETALIATION
Women don't just lie because you're annoying. In addition to you being a major pain in the ass, women are often afraid to say no. Did you know that all over the country, women are attacked for rejecting men? Not too long ago I read about a woman who was punched in the face for not giving a guy her number, and another woman killed for turning down a date. Another woman actually had acid poured on her face and is permanently disfigured because she rejected a man. PERMANENT DISFIGUREMENT FOR SIMPLY NOT LIKING A DUDE. And those are just the ones that have been reported. There's a whole fucking list of people who have been attacked due to rejection. It's not just "crazy" dudes. Women who refuse to have sex with their own husbands or boyfriends experience this.
We're not just concerned about physical harm. Maybe you're not going to punch us in the face, but I can't tell you how many times I've been verbally assaulted for rejecting someone. I've gotten "you're fucking ugly anyway," "well fuck you, bitch," "i hope you die," etc. I've even had a man follow me in his car yelling disturbing things at me as I walked away. Some will just turn mean in general and talk about you negatively, and some men will just straight up tell their friends they slept with you anyway. It's scary, and that's a big reason we lie.
THE BITCH
I'm pretty blunt. If I'm feeling you, you can definitely tell because I'm doing a combination of these things: acknowledging your existence, smiling, talking to you, oh, and not saying "no, I'm not interested." If you keep ignoring the signs that I'm not feeling you I will have to break it down for you. Here are some things I've said in the past:
- Never in your life will I be interested in you on a romantic or sexual level.
- I will absolutely never give you my number at any point in time.
- I have no interest in speaking to you now or any time in the future.
- I'm going to need you to stop talking to me, effective immediately.
- Please remove yourself from my presence. You're aggressive and I am not interested.
Now, at first glance, these statements might sound a little rude or harsh. But actually, if you look more closely, they're really not. There is no profanity. There are no insults. There's no colorful language or yelling. I'm not being sassy nor am I being sarcastic. What you're reading is clear, concise, and direct rejection. And if you're offended, I don't think that makes me a bitch. I think it makes you one.
So, the moral of this story is - how about you fucking listen to us when we say no? No means no and not interested means #notinterested.
