AN APPRECIATION POST BY SABREENA SALEEM
ONE YEAR AGO today I met Yennifer Martinez. I'm still not sure how, but she found me on Instagram and slid into my DMs asking if I’d like to do a shoot with her. Of course, me being me, I accepted the offer from a stranger. We made plans to wake up at the crack of dawn the very next day, and we met at a coffee shop in Lakeview. When I met Yennifer, I was deeply sad and very lost. I didn’t know how to talk to new people and i definitely didn’t know how to be photographed. But when we started shooting, we connected instantly, and I began to feel a change come over me. She picked up on how quickly my mood changed. With each outfit I shot in, I became a different person. And unlike most people, she really liked it.
We spent the day wandering and capturing photos wherever we could. I remember sitting in a coffee shop after hours of shooting, highly caffeinated, and spilling my heart out to her. I was new in Chicago and I didn't know who I was or who I wanted to be. I was suffering from an already wounded heart that was breaking slowly. I felt uncomfortable in my own mind and in my own body. She listened to me the whole time and when I was finally done venting she said, “Sabreena, you’re a fucking woman. And the future is female.” She went on and on about how strong she could tell I was. She explained to me that writers block was okay, and if I couldn’t channel my creative energy through writing, I could try something else. And on that day, I realized shooting with her was that something else. I left that coffee shop feeling empowered, inspired, and a little less hopeless. She has that effect on people.
When she sent me those photos we took a year ago today, I was in awe, and they provoked a lot of emotion. I was having so much trouble with my identity, my career, my femininity, my relationships and my friendships. I was beyond depressed. But when I saw those photos, for the first time in my life, I felt like someone finally understood me. I had never seen a photo where I looked exactly how I felt - slightly boyish, extremely confused, and very deeply broken. The only life left in me was hidden somewhere in my eyes, and she found that light and intensity and captured it in a way no one else could.
Since then, Yennifer has been more than a photographer and even more than a friend to me. She pushes me more now than ever, and just like I did in that coffee shop, I leave every conversation feeling inspired, empowered, and a little less hopeless. We've gone on spontaneous photo shoots, we've worked from "home" together and gotten drunk "accidentally" off beer flights. We've snuck onto fire escapes and rooftops and smuggled bottles of wine into bars. We've popped bottles of champagne by the lake, taken more photo booth photos than anyone should, and we've gone to shows together. Yennifer has become someone I can call any time of the night or day. If I need to cry, she’ll cry with me. If I need to complain about boys, she'll have a bitch-fit with me. If I need to tweet, she'll retweet every last one. When I don't respond to her quickly enough she will call me, tweet me, dm me on every platform, email me at my work email address until I call her back. She will stay up late talking to me on the phone and when I'm sad, she will read me poetry then send me off to do some writing. She’ll push me to journal and try new things, like spoken word and self-publishing. She’ll remind me I’m important.
Something people may not know, is that Yennifer was a driving force in not only the creation of No Strings, but she also damn near forced me to throw a launch party for it. She lectured me on how much I deserved to do this for myself, and she did everything she could to help me do it, but also do it on my own. No Strings may just be a website to some, but creating it saved me at a time when I felt I had nothing left, and it made me feel like I finally had a purpose. It still does that for me, and I’ll always have Yennifer to thank for that.
Yennifer has captured me in every season, and she’s been by my side for the growth each season has brought me. I’m not the same person I was on February 20, 2017. But one thing that will never change is my love for this beautiful, complicated, wonderful soul.
Yen, if you ever feel the way I did a year ago today, I hope you will read this post and remember how much myself and the rest of the world needs you. There's truly no one like you.
Here’s to many more years of tears, happiness, over-caffeinating, creating art, and taking over the world together. Para siempre.
Yours,
Sabreena
