I'M GOING TO THE MOTHERLAND

A FATHER-DAUGHTER BONDING EXPERIENCE BY SABREENA SALEEM

May 2014 | My dad and me being Paki AF on Devon Ave, in Chicago, IL.

NOT GONNA LIE, never in my life have I even dreamed of going to Pakistan. And as I sit here and sip chai in true Pakistani fashion, I can't help but ask myself what the fuck I'm doing going to a third-world country willingly and spending several bags to do it. Did you know a Polio shot costs $300? Did you know that there are parts of the world where you still have to worry about Polio and Typhoid? Same.

Clearly, neither myself nor my sisters have ever been to Pakistan. Hell, I've never even left the continent. Going there has always been this thing I accepted would probably never happen, and I was totally okay with that. Planning my trip was a classic spontaneous Sabreena move. I was like, "Dad, I'm gonna go to Pakistan with you." And he's like "K." And then we bought the tickets. And now I'm going there the day after tomorrow. Yo, it just occurred to me that I don't even know a damn thing about Pakistan. Here I was thinking I'd be in the middle of the desert, and I'd walk up in that bitch like Carrie Bradshaw in the Sex and the City movie where they go to Abu Dhabi. THEN, my dad tells me, "pack some warm clothes. We have cold nights because we're by the Arabian Sea." I pulled up a map REAL QUICK and was like DAMN YOU RIGHT. WHO KNEW? Apparently everyone except me. Karachi is like, a port city. *face palm*

Now part of this is my own fault. I should probably look at a map before I spend money getting shots and visas and whatnot, and I take full responsibility for being geographically fucked up. But I've got to say, growing up my dad just never really told us much about life over there. He wanted us to embrace American culture so that we'd have easier lives. And frankly he's not a man of many words. But our lives have always been different than those of literally anyone who grew up in Algonquin, Illinois.

I've got some Paki tendencies naturally because of the time I've spent with my father. I've faced the impossible challenge of fasting during Ramadan, gotten Mehndi, learned some prayers, spoken some (and I really mean SOME) Urdu. But never have I ever considered what it's like to be Pakistani in Pakistan. Or black in Pakistan. Or Blackistani in Pakistan. It didn't occur to me until last year that my own father has an accent. For me, that's just my dad. Comfortably foreign.

You're probably thinking, "Sabreena, what the fuck are you going to do?" No wine, no wifi, no showers (my dad mentioned something about a tub and a bowl and I stopped listening out of shookery), no cell service, no hair appliances. But it'll be a humbling experience, because the life I've lived has been way beyond privileged. I forget that clean water is a luxury, even in parts of the Unites States.

Overall, I'm excited. One - don't judge - but I am ready to SERVE LOOKS in Pakistan. I've always loved Pakistani clothing and jewelry, but I've never really worn the clothing in public as an adult because I've never felt I had a reason to. But you can bet your bottom rupee I'll be dressed head to toe in bomb ass clothing and jewelry. I've even started practicing Paki-influenced makeup. Of course, I'm also looking forward to the food. My dad is an amazing cook, but I imagine the OG Saleem sisters throw down in the kitchen. And lastly, I can't wait to do some sightseeing. I don't even know what it looks like there. Is it flat? Mountains? I could google this but I honestly want to be surprised.

Most importantly, I get to meet my family. My dad has four sisters and a bunch of nieces and nephews I have never met. I'll get to see the home my dad was raised in, look at old pictures, and just learn more about where I come from. To me, my dad has only been my dad, so I'm really looking forward to seeing him interact with others as a big brother, an uncle, a cousin, a friend. Oh, and I don't think anyone speaks English so that guy is literally the only one I'll be able to talk to for two weeks. Bonding time AF.

Don't worry. I plan to document my entire experience. This will be a great opportunity to disconnect, focus on my writing, and relax. I'll be sure to journal, take a million photos and videos, and hopefully write some cool posts about it.

Cell phone reception and wifi are spotty, but if you download the phone app WhatsApp, you can send me messages and I'll likely be able to reply. Just keep in mind there's a 13 hour time difference.

If there's anything you want me to write about or see while I'm there, please let me know. I can't wait to share my experience with you.

Aapki pyari,
Sabreena