THE BEST DREAM EVER BY ICY LIL BITCH

I JUST HAD the most lit ass dream of my fucking life. I just dreamt I hung out with Gucci Mane.

I just woke up. Really, like 10 minutes ago. I always say I’m going to write down my dreams first thing in the morning before the memory is lost forever, but rarely does that happen. Partly cuz I’m lazy, but mostly cuz all of my dreams are anxiety-induced terror dreams where I’m either doing something totally wrong or something fucked up is happening to me. A couple months ago I threw up my guts. Really.

BUT THIS WAS DIFFERENT. I WOKE UP IN THE SKY.

I sprung outta bed, peed (you gotta), and hurried back to my bed to tell Nadia all about it. I started typing out the story and I was like LOL bitch this is a novel. So here we are. Live from Sabreena’s icy lil bed, I present to you: MY DAY WITH GUCCI MANE.

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So we’re at a festival, right? I hate festivals. But this one isn’t crowded, and there’s more to do beyond watching the shows (I don’t remember what). It’s almost like Riot Fest but way more empty - which is cool bc I hate being around too many people. It had to have been around this time of year because it wasn’t very warm, but the air wasn’t super crisp. It was a weird in-between.

The dream starts by me playing some sort of arcade game. I’m IN that bitch - like so focused. I’m deadass when I say this - it was an ice themed game. I mean, what do you want from me? It’s my dream. Then, out of NOWHERE, along comes Gucci muhhfuckin’ Mane. He’s got a super small entourage with him, following him loosely. For whatever reason, he approaches me and starts watching me play this icy lil arcade game over my shoulder. He said somethin’ bout how I was bodying mfs - more eloquently than that of course. I turn around and thinkin’ yo honestly fuck this game - like i really was bodying mfs but i’m standing in the presence of Mr. Zone 6, and nothing else in this life really matters - I’ll likely die after this.

We start choppin’ it up and I’m GEEKED UP (but not rolling), talking about how Bricks is one of my favorite songs. He was like “ima perform that shit twice.” I’m like FOR WORD??? WHAT ELSE U FINNA PLAY? He didn’t answer. But that’s fine because Gucci is the Trap God and who am I to judge GOD of all people or ask him for anything. So yeah, Guwop’s over here talmbout “yeah, OJ da Juiceman is on that track,” and I’m like “omg I know” (trying not to say yeah, nigga, and I know every mf word to that verse). We start talkin’ bout obscure songs from mixtapes that didn’t even get that popular and I know he was thinkin’, “damn this bitch really on it.” Yesssah I really am.

He leaves to go do his thing. I think about how Keyshia is over by the stage doin’ her own thing prolly wearing some crazy ass dope ass sunglasses and a sparkly catsuit. I’m like yo Keyshia really doesn’t give a fuck. She ain’t got one jealous bone in her bangin’ ass body cuz she got this nigga out here SOLO talkin’ to bitches. But he obviously loves her and I’m clearly not a threat bc Keyshia is unmatched and she is my mom and my queen - but damn!

So there’s some type of shit happening over here. Like it ain’t Riot Fest where they got carnivals, but there’s some type of shit everyone’s watching from behind fences. It’s slipped my mind. I can’t remember EVERY aspect of the dream, okay? Sheesh. So I decide to go “upstairs” and on the way I see him standing by himself watching whatever tf is happening and I’m like “hey, I’m gonna go get a drink, you want water or anything?” He declines but thanks me. I’m like damn Gucci just said “thank you” to me that’s so wild. So I proceed to go upstairs.

Let me take a second to talk to you about “upstairs.” We’re in a damn field. Upstairs to what? ionnno. But it’s mfs up there havin’ complimentary drinks and whatnot. Obviously Nadia is up there. Now this room we’re in looks like a very dusty unfortunate section of a liquor store - however, this is not a liquor store. This shit magically turns into Whole Foods. You know how that shit go. So I’m lookin through the bottles because my work had some weird liquor tasting once, and they had this fiye type of liquor made from coconut and I was like yo Nadia you finna love this shit (tru story). I didn’t find it. I see Pinot Grigio but I’m like nah, Gucci’s sober and that would be mad disrespectful so I took a glass of water.

Meanwhile, Nadia’s over bein’ a thot, looking over the balcony that I guess overlooks the show. Mind you, not once do I see a stage or other artists - but that’s ok bc Gucci is the only one I see anyway. She sees Gucci and she’s like “WAIT, YOU GOTTA MEET MY LIL SISTER” (that’s some shit she would really do - so thanks shotteh you the realest). I walk up and I’m like “maaaan we already best friends.” She’s like “well damn” (not a Gucci ‘well damn’ but a ‘well, damn!’) She starts tellin him how I know all his songs and how I try to do his accent and say all his phrases. He has a moment where he’s like “ion like mfs mocking me” and I was like nah Wop it’s all love. He’s like aight.

For whatever reason, the dream fast forwards and we’re still in this weak ass Whole Foods balcony overlooking some non-existent stage shit. Wop is in a whole new outfit and it’s some shit I’ve never seen before and I think to myself damn Wop you so revolutionary and shit. Anyway, it’s a bunch of white dudes around my age wearin’ polos and shit that Gucci walks past. They say some slick shit and in that moment I’m honestly surprised he didn’t just slap him with the left. I’m tight. I’m like “do you know who the FUCK you’re talking to? That’s GUCCI MANE BITCH.” They’re shook and I’m like wow the audacity of these niggas.

We start heading downstairs I’m like “Yo, Gucci, I’m like yo lil ass security guard LMAO” and he thought that shit was funny and we laughed. Gucci laughed with me. The highest honor I believe.

And there the dream ends. The dream ends with me walking downstairs into an abyss with Gucci Mane, laughing. I think it was heaven.

❄️

So yeah, this was all a dream but that shit felt real as hell. I really feel like I spent a day with Gucci. I’m sitting here on cloud nine. Or cloud six I should say. Zone 6. Cloud Zone 6.

And that is all. Happy WOPTOBER!